tree25's Xanga

Monday, August 10, 2009

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:21:33 GMT

The truth is...planning a wedding is harder than anyone ever tells you.

Or maybe it's just hard for us, because we're doing this with almost no money (when did $3800 become NO MONEY?) and having to ask for a lot of help. And that's never easy.

I just want to put on my dress and dance around the rim of the Grand Canyon with the man I love, and forget about everything else.

Instead, there is a bachelorette party, a Dove Dinner/bridal shower, and all kinds of extra enhancements...family pressure, you know.

I plan to become a blogging human again when it's over.

Or maybe not. Maybe we'll just run away and I'll be that woman who used to visit the internet occasionally.

Activism...organically

Thu, 21 May 2009 14:37:57 GMT

So instead of following what I once thought was a forced path to social activism....I quit the whole damn thing, moved to Flagstaff, hibernated for a while, somehow got magically transported to this spectacular job, and found myself picketing on Heritage Square in downtown Flagstaff last night in support of Second Chance Center for Animals (my employer). Self-centered as it sounds...I think I'm made to do good things in the world, no matter how I get there. That's an insight that settles me down inside.

Another contented insight: sometimes, two people are made to be together. Dano joined me in picketing last night (he does care about the cause, but really just wanted to spend time with me...see legal battles below), then came to dinner with the Second Chance crew, stood on a chair and loudly and proudly proclaimed to the whole pizza joint what a great job we were doing. THIS is my kind of man.

Facebook followers, you know we hiked the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago. Life-changing experience. The hardest and best thing I've ever done...spiritually and physically and emotionally.

I'm still planning a wedding...after Second Chance's battles with Coconino County are over. It's a long, long story, so anyone who wishes to know the details can visit www.secondchancecenter.org. Basically: someone thinks we're too noisy, we think we're not. There's an important hearing next week, after which I intend to take some time off.

The rain clouds are gathering over the mountains here and it's gorgeous. My porch has happy little flowers all over it and I feel like I've nurtured something into greatness.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:51:41 GMT

I know, you just can't believe it. I'm not sure I can either. It's been a while since I visited this blank white box.

The new job is better than I ever could have dreamed. I am challenged, focused, motivated, and appreciated ~ daily. I am finding that I truly didn't think I could do this job, and that I really can. These people saw something in me that I didn't believe existed, but it does. I spend my days surrounded by a team of strong, compassionate, assertive, loving women who foster an attitude of respect. They push me to do more and expect the same from me. I will not leave this job until I leave Flagstaff...if THAT ever happens.

Wedding planning continues like clockwork. We're enjoying most of it, except the part where we don't have any money. Other than that, though, it's been a blast.

BFF LaVina came out to visit last week ~ first visit away from her young son, and it was for me. I'm a lucky gal. We had a good time and a lot of good conversations. It feels really nice to be able to choose a friendship instead of just falling into it...if that makes any sense.

A recent visit to an ELCA church in Phoenix brought this fact home with a thud: I love being Lutheran. I never stopped loving being Lutheran. I just didn't groove with the ELCA church I attended in Flagstaff. Little did I know, there's always been another one that I drive by every single day and have never noticed...I suspect God blinded me to it until I was ready. Best fiancee ever Dano came with me on Sunday and I felt I came home. Dano said it was like watching me sway in a warm tropical breeze after a long, hard winter. It was wonderful.

I celebrated one year in OA a few months ago. Victory!

We have a serious problem cat. Let's just say this: the Valium is no longer working. On the cat.

I'd like to be here more often.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:17:03 GMT

HI TROY.

I posted a similar facebook status and he admonished me to blog about it. So I will. HARUMPH.

New job starts on December 1. I know, you just can't believe that Flagstaff Kristen exists without the shuttle company and all the accompanying B.S.!!! Well, she does. She is the new Administrative Director at the Second Chance Center for Animals. WOOOOOHOOO!

I'm in charge of a bunch of people, I get to keep animals in my office, I GET an office, and the people I work with are sweet, funny, sharp, committed, and creative. A Yorkie sat in on my interview last night and kept giving me the sweetest pleas for some more kibble in his dish. I would have obliged, if I could.

I start December 1 and I am very, very excited. Welcome to the new chapter in my life.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:39:33 GMT

My eyes are grainy this morning, tired of no sleep and many incredulous and joyful tears. I can't believe we elected a young black man to lead this nation; my faith in my country has been restored 100%. I kept thinking it couldn't be real, that after all we've endured and the last two snatched-away elections ~ it would be taken away again. I keep reading the news stories over and over, reading the words of the victory speech, watching the footage of crowds flush with success...and it's still real. It's not going away. I walked into a voting booth yesterday and participated in the blessing of being born in this country; I made my mark and said, "you go, dude. I gave you money, I gave you time, and I give you my vote....now it's up to you."

And I believe in him. Finally, at last, I dare to believe that he's real.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:32:33 GMT

Well, it's now "363 days and a wake-up" until the wedding ~ October 3, 2009. Yesterday was chilly and cloudy here, go figure ~ but during my visit to the wedding site on Wednesday, it was sunny and 70 and gorgeous. It'll be a lovely wedding no matter what....something I've been considering lately is the tradition we're following, of humankind's history of the search for and celebration of love. Yes, there are lots of politics here about people who are not allowed to marry; there has been many an unhappy or forced marriage. We are blessed to be in a place and time where we chose our partners; our age difference is merely weird, not illegal or unacceptable; and our souls sing when they're together and we get to celebrate that in front of the people who matter most to us. And though our vows may sound a little different than anyone else's since we're writing our own, the promises we're making are the same as words uttered by countless generations before us. That's pretty cool

It's even chillier here today than yesterday, so I turned on the heat here in the office. It SMELLS like a furnace, you know, that warm sort of acrid smell? I love that smell. When I was a little girl I would sit on the heater vents in the floor in the morning, still in my nightgown, engrossed in a book and traveling away to A Swiftly Tilting Planet with warmth drifting around me. It was a good escape from the chill in the house, both literal and emotional.

We're leaving tonight for a vacation in Colorado. Seems like this summer has been full of travels, both extended and quick. Dano's sister Leana got here last weekend and all is working out well, despite some of my fears. I KNEW that would happen and I would feel like a total boob for my insecurities; Dano has assured me that he loves me despite my boob-ery. Anyway, the three of us are driving to Cortez, CO tonight and then on to the other sister's house in Salida tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to the vacation ~ the three of them haven't been together in years, and while I know I'll get to enjoy their company a lot of the time, there will be just sibling-time too....and I'm bringing lots of books and movies. I get to actually RELAX on a vacation! Naptime here I come.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 14:42:03 GMT

"Can you provide some solid examples of John McCain's maverick behavior in the last few years?"
"hem....haw....use of parts of speech completely out of order....Well, I'll have to find some and bring 'em to ya."

Gimme a break, man. At the beginning, I was secretly impressed by Sarah Palin and her pitbull attitude (lipstick or otherwise). I've been impressed and respectful of John McCain for a long time, and I thought, surely, he had made a choice using information the general public wasn't privy to. He's a smart and experienced man, after all. I was scared of Sarah Palin because I thought she posed a genuine threat to Obama's campaign, which I will wholeheartedly support until the very end, whatever that may be. I thought Sarah Palin was a good woman, albeit on the other side of the issues. It's important to me to maintain appreciation and respect for other paradigms, and having been in Sarah Palin's mindset years ago, I knew she was serious.

But some of these recent interviews have exposed a woman completely out of her element and unprepared for the spotlight now glaring straight into her life. I don't blame her, actually ~ I believe she really IS just a small-town mayor with a healthy dose of ambition. I think McCain's handlers could have prepared and helped her much more than they have. Palin is not stupid, not in the slightest ~ she'd be perfectly capable of picking up whatever they had to teach her. What are they feeding her if she shows up at an interview with Katie Couric (what, thinking it'll be a softball interview because Katie has great gams? ) and um-Fargo-accents her way through it?

I've been reading Anita Diamant's Pitching My Tent over the last few days. And yes, the title always makes me giggle a little too She wrote one of my absolute favorite books, The Red Tent, a historical fictional retelling of the Jacob-Leah-Rachel love story from the point of Jacob's only daughter, Dinah. In the Bible, Dinah gets one or two verses; Diamant rewrites her character and her story into an entire novel. It covers womanhood and sisterhood, motherhood and life, in a way that has always touched me.

So, when I saw this collection of essays and columns from Diamant's years writing for magazines, I snatched it up and dove in. She has the same touch (reminds me of Anne Lamott, actually) and talked about living the life of a Jewish family in this day and age of increasing secularism....which would explain why I found it in the "Judiasm" section of the bookstore Dano and I are looking more and more at making this a part of our lives ~ a return for him, a conversion for me. If we have children (which we're still talking about) he has asked that they be raised in Judaism, and I've agreed wholeheartedly....I'm such an open-minded kinda gal that this really has almost no affect on my own spirituality, which I know is going to be hard to explain or understand. I started this blog entry a few days ago and have kept it tabled because I'm not even sure how I feel about the whole issue of conversion and why it's such a non-issue for me. It'll require a bit of thought, a lot of prayer, and some writing to figure out 1)why I don't feel more tied to my Christian heritage and faith and 2)why the idea of conversion, of a Jewish life, is so appealing. I am prone to making decisions based on who's in my life at the time, and this has all the makings of one of those classic Kristen leaps-of-faith. But it's too important to leap into and change my mind later.

Dano's sister moves here TODAY. As soon as I finish up work here this morning, I have to go shampoo the carpet in my her room and get some flowers to welcome her. Now that I'm getting over my scared-ness and irrational fears (and now that Dano and I have talked about the importance of boundaries) I'm just excited to expand my little family!!!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:09:21 GMT

For what it's worth, I still don't love the new "private page" setup, even though it's been months and months now.

So far, I think Lucky thinks I'm his mom because I feed him wet food.

He's started just hanging out on my shoulder while I'm moving around the office doing stuff. It *is* very sweet; I don't have a cat of "my own" even though Dano has two lovely cats. It's nice to be needed.

I haven't talked much about the whole Overeaters Anonymous thing here since I started back in February; maybe it was wanting to make sure I can do it "right" before talking about it. But it'll never be perfect, I've discovered Right now, I'm on the Fourth Step: taking a personal inventory. This is HARD; there are questions like, "Am I manipulative? Am I power hungry? Do I always try to be the center of attention? Are my reactions always extreme? How have I attempted to control and manipulate people in my life because of my jealousy?" and on and on. It's called an inventory because it's taking stock of what's on the shelves in the storehouse of my emotions. What do I keep, and what is so old and outdated I get to throw it away? It's useful but taxing.

This morning I was concerned about some of the things I had eaten yesterday and was considering just not eating ANYTHING today. This is an old reaction, history of mine that is never healthy. I remembered that part of this program is not trying to control my food; handing over the decision to a power higher than I am. One of my sponsors said once, "The only thing you get to control is which voice you'll listen to: your own ego or your Higher Power." So today...I listen to God's voice.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 15:41:12 GMT

Hi friends. Every day is a new leaf to be turned over and a new set of updates to give my network

Dano's sister is moving to Flagstaff THIS. WEEKEND. She's spent years and years in Oregon, was finding it harder and harder to make ends meet, and her son is long since out of the nest...so when Dano said, "Sister, come down to Flagstaff, we'll give you a job as a driver and a place to live and we'll love you. So come." It took about one eensy twist of the arm and all of a sudden she's going to be HERE!

It's such a good thing, of course; I've seen and experienced how hard it can be to make a start in a new town, and especially a place like Flagstaff where both jobs and housing are scarce because everyone loves it here. I've chatted with Leana (the sister) on the phone a few times and I love her already.

But there is a very scared little girl in here too, alternately stamping her feet and cowering in fear. What if everything changes when she gets here? Dano will be just as thrilled to have his sister here, although they haven't lived in the same town for 30 years or something. What if they find they LOVE it, revel in it, and fiancee gets left in the dust? I know this is completely illogical...I *know* that. But there's fear here. There's insecurity.

And because Leana has a dog, she couldn't move into Dano's house, which is in a park that doesn't allow dogs. So Leana's moving in with my mom. Well, Mom only has so many rooms, so Leana's moving into my old room. This makes sense, because 5 nights out of 7, I'm at Dano's anyway. Well, Dano still has a roommate ~ we've elected to keep her there until January (which has long been the official co-habitation date) because we're more able to contribute to Leana's rent until she gets on her feet. That leaves me somewhere in the middle, in limbo...my belongings at Dano's but not "officially" living there (again, the park restrictions ~ 2 people per house and fees for every night a visitor is there), but not having at room at my mom's house. I am a woman without a home, for the time being.

All this combines to make an ugly mix of roiling emotions, fears, worries, that I'm trying to keep tamped down with decreasing success It's all little-girl stuff, but powerful nonetheless.

Let's see, that's the BIG big news around here, other that the wedding plans that just keep chuggin' along. We got an office cat named Lucky:

He helps with the morning paperwork. Right now he's sleeping peacefully on the futon We're pretty fortunate that we get the freedom to have a cat in the office....the effect of all these cat-lovers working here, I suppose.

I'll admit it....I'm scared about the economy. Not such a huge confession, I suppose, considering recent financial events The next Great Depression would sure negate all my worries about living space and feeling adrift ~ instead, the whole clan would just move in to one house and bunk up together! Seems cozy, from this distance.

We haven't heard much from Deborah in Bolivia, but thanks to all for the good thoughts and prayers. She's being fairly firm in her "decision not to make a decision until further notice" which can be frustrating for those of us who don't want her to get STABBED or something But, she's an adult and can, and will, do what's best for HER.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 22:04:59 GMT

Okay, Xanga Family. I know I've been out of the loop for a while now, hopping on occasionally to keep up with my friends and rarely deigning to write a full entry Here's to hoping you're still with me.

My wonderfully compassionate and kind-hearted, brilliant sister Deborah is volunteering for a year in Cochabamba, Bolivia. She finished her pre-med degree in three years and decided she wasn't ready to go to med school yet, so instead, she's teaching young orphaned girls in a small orphanage in rural South America. (Deborah is a pretty special person ) You may have read about some of the unrest going on amongst the government and citizens in Bolivia; I talked to Deborah and it's both better and worse than the news is reporting.

The gist of the conflict is that a governor in one of the Bolivian states was recently arrested and taken away ~ no one's quite sure where he is or why he was accused of mass murder in that state. Half the citizens of the state are on his side; the other half are loyal to Bolivia's president. The governors of all the states are set to have a meeting in a neutral location tomorrow ~ that location is, of course, Cochabamba, the nearest large city to Deborah. She says the orphanage is about 45 minutes away from the city so she believes she'll be safe from any physical danger.

We, the family, are of course encouraging Deborah to get out ASAP. Half of the American embassy has left (the U.S. also booted out the Bolivian ambassador) and the Peace Corps workers in that country are on flights home as we speak. Direct flights from Bolivia to America have been suspended and all air travel is through neighboring Peru. The organization Deborah is working with, the Salesian Lay Mission, will pay for and arrange for flights as soon as Deborah and her fellow volunteers say the word. She's going to wait and see how this governor's conference goes tomorrow, but we may continue to nag her to come home

The governor's conference is related to the civil unrest, but they will also discuss the country's social programs and where the funding is coming from and going to. The 51 girls in the orphanage are currently receiving a stipend every three months that pays for their food; no one knows if the stipend (which is next due in October) will show up this time or not. Or, if it will show up again in January.

I know this sounds alarmist; I know everyone is going through hard times; I know this is only one cause in a stack of millions. But Deborah is worried about those girls, so I am too. I'm sending every spare penny we have and will continue to do so until I know their sources of food are secured. Deborah tells me that we can't send food, but if we send money they are still able to BUY food. (I'm not sure how long food will be available, but as long as they can buy it, they just need the money.) Will you consider helping?

I usually ignore these pleas when I read them, so I certainly understand if you have to. But if you can....it'd help. I'm doing this in such a rush that I don't even know how to verify where the money's going but I know we'll be able to send it. If we are able to send it, I'm happy to provide documentation and copies of statements and whatever I can.

Thanks, friends. It's worth it. And however you do it ~ prayers, good vibes, positive energy ~ they can use it all, so send it along too